I had this teacher, and ironically, she was a SHE! When looking at the ol' Kinsey scale where you can pinpoint your sexuality, I would say my sexual attractions fall on moderately gay, but in high school I was still in complete denial. Mrs. - we'll call her Johnson - exuded the very essence every teenage boy longs for. Every morning, she showed up to school with her perfectly curled hair and dressed in a way only a teacher can make attractive. Mrs. Johnson understands youth. She gets it. She was my foods instructor, and I was her star student. Go ahead and roll your eyes, but my talents are few and far between. The kitchen is ONE place I shine! Now that I've fully embraced my sexuality, I have realized I do not have much interest in women. At all.
Mrs. Johnson (now I call her Johnson) and I have kept in contact after I graduated a few years back. Not surprisingly, she is the perfect person to grab a beer with. Imagine that, she loves beer, and not just beer, dark beer. I hate beer, but I try to fake it with her and order Red's Apple Ale. Johnson recently found out about my sexuality, so she sent me a text offering her love and support. I mentioned we should meet up for drinks and dinner to catch up, and we did this past Tuesday. We discussed my new relationship, and I told her how Troy (my boyfriend who is truly perfect for me) and I have had quite a few intense discussions. We are head over heels for each other, but the discussions often seem to have this "end all" feel. She offered some brutally honest advice, and I have spent the last days pondering her words of wisdom. She and her husband have strong personalities, as do Troy and I. They get into similar spats as a result. She and her husband eventually came to the acceptance that their sh*t both STANK, and everyone has sh*t. Their own, uniquely pungent sh*t. Everyone. In a fruitful relationship, you must both acknowledge that you have downfalls and areas in which you can improve. Troy and I, both having assurance of what we want and who we are, struggle with this. However, we are working on it! Here are a few of our implementation methods.
1 - We lovingly call each other out when the need is present...him more than me ;) The other day, we were having our usual discussion of near future aspirations. I went on my "I just want to move to Portland" rant, yet he is content with remaining back home to be near family. I was not validating this desire of his, and I continued on why I couldn't stand winter, the area, etc. He interrupted me and told me straight up that I was acting incredibly selfish, and after swallowing my pride, I thanked him for pointing this out. I was acting like a total brat! Now, I think before I speak on this subject, and we go about it with respect for each other's desires.
2 - When a disagreement arrises, we both listen. Yesterday, we were talking about interactions with other gay men our age. Specifically, one of my gay friends wanted to catch up soon, and Troy wasn't loving the idea. I will admit, I am very naive. Often, I give more trust than should be given. If another guy was flirting with me, I would tell Troy, "Oh my gosh, this guy was so kind and friendly! He must have such a great spirit, and karma will treat him well." not realizing at all that the fellow was flirting. Troy would tell me, "Tyler - are you blind? He's wants you. Stay away." The reason we have these different views is because our experiences have been entirely different. I know very few gay men, and the ones I know offered me abundant support and guidance when I was finding myself. They are some of the kindest individuals I know. Troy's past has proven a grimmer outlook. Many of his gay "friends" at college tried to get into his pants while he was in a relationship or break apart he and his boyfriend. After listening to his experience, I completely understand why he would be weary about me catching up with my friend. Troy realized that when I tell him I am going to meet with this friend, it is not because I am physically interested at all, but rather I truly appreciate his friendship and company. All too often, couples hold grudges that could be solved through listening.
3 - Keep open with concerns. I admittedly try and run our relationship like an Oprah's Life Class. I find it crucial to bring up those little thoughts of apprehension and fear that arise about our significant other. I am a total dweller. If Troy says something with no intention of hurting me but that is how I feel, I will dwell on it for days. This creates broken energy between us, fear, and sadness. We tell each other regularly to bring forth any concerns we have with the relationship or each other. Towards the beginning of our relationship, I was worried that Troy liked the idea of our relationship alone. We were both recently graduated, starting careers, and had common goals of settling down and eventually starting a family. Did he want this life, or did he want this life with me? He never said anything to feed this fear, and regularly tells me how much he likes ME and my qualities. The relationship has gone incredibly well, so I think the negativity in my ego was looking for a reason why we should not work. I brought this fear up with him, and he assured me while giving specific reasons why he doesn't like the solely the idea of a relationship with me, but actually likes me, my spirit, and could see a life together with me.
Everyone has downfalls, baggage, and iniquities. Far better is a relationship in which both are fully aware of this and will help each other become better versions of themselves than one of pride and stubbornness. When I picture this, I see Troy and I almost floating in air, and every time we help each other overcome a personal struggle, we grow closer to each other. I typically think the idea of "two becoming one" as a bunch of bull (a relationship should be two self-assured wholes enjoying each other's wholeness), but this vision reflects the "two becomes one" idea. Our relationship is something we create together, and in a way, we do become one.
Take Mrs. Johnson's advice, and own up to your sh*t. Be open with each other. Be aware of your ego. Be cognizant of why you are in the relationship in the first place: connection, mutual attraction, and LOVE.
Keep it genYOUine,
Tyler
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